Season 5 · Episode 3

Outrageous Fortune: A Rat, A Rat

Van wrestles with being a rat and finds an angel, as Loretta seeks a lab rat and finds a lover. Van is under pressure from Gerard to come up with something on Nicky, and going to the gym doesn’t count. Van hints to Nicky that he’s looking for a ‘job’, and is then disappointed to find the job turns out building a wardrobe for Pascalle. He meant something more like ‘night work’. He is pleased when Nicky comes up with the offer to be a driver but not for a robbery - it’s driving a hooker. Van finds that Angel is no ordinary working girl. She’s a shemale, who is not impressed with Van’s car or the loss of her former driver. Van is shocked that Angel should get so much business, then finds that Nicky is not just organising drivers, he’s actually the boss. Van thinks he has something on Nicky, but is dismayed to learn from Gerard that neither prostitution, nor homosexuality are illegal. What is this country coming to? Well actually, Van, I’m more than your average girl. I’m the woman of your dreams. A woman with a penis. Angel But now there is a further complication as Nicky wants Van to keep an eye on Angel, who he thinks has been stiffing him on his cut. Van is not just a narc, but a double narc, and he’s having trouble coping. Especially as this means lying to Munter, who is not that impressed with the gym thing, and even less impressed when Angel drags Van off for some afternoon delight. Van also finds that Angel is ripping Nicky off. She twigs that Van is a spy and is upset, but forgives him. Munter is less forgiving, and Van decides he’s had enough. He tells Gerard that he’s not cut out for narcing, and lying to his best mate and feeling like crap, and he resigns. He can’t do it anymore. Meanwhile, Loretta is unimpressed with the slow progress on selling the party pill, including the lack of a name. Nadine also seems set on endless clinical trials with her rats to check side effects and maximum dosage. Loretta decides to conduct her own trial on some handy human rat, but unfortunately Van and Grandpa are preoccupied. Then Aaron Spiller comes to see her with an ethical dilemma. The Gooch has been offered the job of building Pascalle’s wardrobe, but Aaron is desperate to do it. Loretta approves, on the condition that he tries out some herbal pills for her. Aaron is keen, and under stress because of Pascalle’s storage demands, he downs several. This turns him into a human dynamo, but also gives him the clarity to know that Pascalle will never love him as he loves her. Loretta goes to observe her rat while he’s building, and finds that he’s happy to take even more pills. Pascalle is appalled that Loretta would test unknown drugs, even on Aaron, though she’s happy with the wardrobe. But now, as he completes the Taj Mahal of storage, Aaron collapses. Pascalle is appalled, but as she gives Aaron the kiss of life, he revives. Loretta is delighted to report to Hayden that she now knows the maximum dose and also has a name, Excellence. Aaron declares his love to Pascalle while no longer out of it, but it’s a love that can never be. Van now tells Nicky he’s quitting his driving job, but also suggests a way that Angel won’t rip Nicky off and all will be happy. But as he’s doing this, Pascalle has shock news. Kasey and Munter have been arrested. Indeed the cops have raided and found a pound of primo weed, and Munter is now looking at jail time. But Munter is mostly piqued at how the cops knew, and who could have dobbed him in . . . Van is upset to think that Gerard has taken revenge by arresting Munter. Gerard is unrepentant. His point is that Van doesn’t resign, or quit. And if he wants to help Munter and get him off these charges, then Van better come up with something on Nicky and do it fast.